Mostly, I seem to be using this space as a travelog; images of places I go, the children I'm working with, the people in my life here ........, but it recently occured to me that I havn't spoken to you, my friends, from the heart, for some time now. And having just completed a full year here, I thought I'd take a few minutes to share some thoughts with you. I'm sitting in my bed, it's evening, there is a hard rain outside, and I'm thinking of each one of you as I write this.
When I came here, I was a mess. I needed a paid sabbatical, a 'time out', an opportunity to see what the next chapter was to be. I had had one too many grant applications accepted but then appropriated a mere fraction of what I had asked for. Enough!! If I continued on that path I would become bitter and angry; not emotions I want in my life. Time to move on. This move to Korea was incredibly hard work, but I received support from the universe and friends at each step. Now, a year later, I am happy to report that I finally feel leveled out. I'm going forward into my 2nd year with no stress, an easy, comfortable job, and time to put in place the plans for my return home. I will be ready then. I am not ready yet.
I have learned much this year about myself and about my dealings with others.
I have been appreciated and depreciated by a complex culture and government that continues to fascinate me. (More about that another time.) I was given the opportunity to put my spiritual beliefs in practice every single day at work last year because I was gifted a most unpleasant, unconcious co-worker. I survived a terribly abcessed tooth and, with the dentist's diligence, it was saved and happily capped for a fraction of the cost it would have been in the US I received excellent treatment from a doctor at the hospital when the behaviour of the aforementioned co-worker, along with the kimchee which I was aggressively consuming as well as the built up stress, made my stomach feel like the mob had given me a good punch or two in it. That visit and stomach medication cost me all of $ 15. No problems since.
I have come to love riding on buses. The local buses are fine. I take a 10 minute ride to school everyday and hop on one often even to just go a few blocks. They come by regulary, they are clean, and they are COMMON. Yes, people have cars here. But many, many people use the bus. Even those with cars will sometimes use buses for inter-city travel, just because the system is so efficient. And when I get on one that represents an hour or more ride, a calm comes over me. It is a wonderful suspension of time; I have absolutely no obligations for the forseeable future, that is, the duration of this journey; but I have many choices. I can stare out the window, I can wonder about the lady across the isle, I can watch a young woman play endlessly with her hair, I can read, or, of late, I can try to sound out all the Korean symbols passing by outside and take tempered joy in the fact that even though I know the alphabet pretty well and the sounds that it makes, I still don't have a clue what it all means.
I have come to appreciate the simplicity of my life here. Not just in a temporary or passing way; but in a life changing, core value way. Life should be simple; at least MY life should be simple. The drive and desires that have pushed me during my time in Asheville do not exist any longer. I have achieved what I set out to achieve in creating my own work. I have nothing to prove. I am proud and happy to have done what I have done. I HAD to do it, but now I know who I am, and I don't HAVE to do it anymore. I know the the creative energy flows constantly and can be expressed in a multitude of ways. Painting for instance. It doesn't have to be perfect or commercial or judged by anyone else as 'good'. It is the process itself that brings joy. Je suis content.
I have learned to love and appreciate technology. I use the internet constantly for inspiration and resources for my teaching. It is mind boggling, the plethora of free information out there!! AND, most importantly, this wonderful technology allows me to stay a part of my friends 'an families' lives. Skype is a miracle. SKYPE IS A MIRACLE!! My granddaughter Isabella, my daughter Devlyn, and I read stories, tell stories, kiss, giggle, sing songs, and open presents, all while SEEING EACH OTHER via web cam. It is not rare at all for me to have 4 or 5 hours of conversation each weekend for the humble amount of $ 6 a month. That, my friends, is what makes this possible.
I have learned there are many ways of being present, that the worst thing to due is to pretend that physical distance is an excuse for not being there. My sweet cat Squeak made her exit this year and because I wasn't physically present, I felt horribly seperate. In that illusion of seperateness I experienced huge sadness and guilt; I was letting everyone down, her, by not being there, and Vincent and Joanna who were. Yet, when I finally realized that I COULD talk to her by asking my friends to put the phone to her head, we ALL felt more connected. I could feel her responding to my voice and my heart ached, knowing I could have offered her so much more had I had the awareness that 'connecting' takes many forms. We talked nearly every day toward the end and it helped.
So although I won't be coming home this winter, I still feel connected to each and every one of you. I'll try to make catch up phone calls in the coming months just for fun.
Be well. Drop a note now and then.
Much love to each and every one of you ......................... p.
I guess the sabattical has worked.
The next day we visited this traditional Korean house with a huge lotus flower garden. It was on the downside....... can you imagine what it looked like in full bloom!!
See the shadow in the upper left corner? That is the finger of this adorable little Korean woman who didn't have a clue how to use a digital camera and after I TURNED IT AROUND the right way, she still kept walking around trying to see an image before she would take the shot, which, of course, was impossible because it was way too bright out there. This shot took about 3-4 minutes to get - and it was worth every second of it. 
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